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Get your kink on


Have you spent lockdown watching 365 days, 50 shades grey or seen more about BDSM in magazines and social media not sure what it means or how to get started? I will share some top tips to get your kink on.

Safety, safety, safety! That should be the number one consideration, whether that be online safety or if you decide to meet someone or go to a club.

Top tip-Have a safe word:

Safe words are words or phrases that are called out when things are either not going as planned or have crossed a threshold one cannot handle. They are something both parties can remember and recognise and are, by definition, not words commonly used playfully during any kind of scene. Words such as nostop, and don’t, are often inappropriate as a safe word if the roleplaying aspect includes the illusion of non-consent. The most commonly used safe words are red and yellow, with red meaning that play must stop immediately, and yellow meaning that the activity needs to slow down

It’s all about etiquette:

Most standard social etiquette rules still apply when at a BDSM event, such as not intimately touching someone you do not know, not touching someone else’s belongings (including toys), and abiding by dress codes. Many events open to the public also have rules addressing alcohol consumption, recreational drugs, cell phones, and photography. 

A specific scene takes place within the general conventions and etiquette of BDSM, such as requirements for mutual consent and agreement as to the limits of any BDSM activity. This agreement can be incorporated into a formal contract. In addition, most clubs have additional rules which regulate how onlookers may interact with the actual participants in a scene. As is common in BDSM, these are founded on the catchphrase “safe, sane, and consensual”.

You can find superb references and information online about a wide range of topics such as being a bdsm mistress, how to be the perfect sub and the lingo that is used.

We have a great article about the lifestyle, which gives you everything you need to know about swinging, partner swopping and more. 

It is always helpful to know more about personal preferences, do you want to be submissive, dominatrix or maybe switch? They have so many different names but you can read more about being a top, bottom or switch here.

Don’t get overwhelmed by the amount of information on femdom dating clubs or parties. Go at your own pace and enjoy. I going to share with you my personal favourite which is a play party, but it took a long time lots of research, information gathering and courage before I attended.

Party time

BDSM play parties are events in which BDSM practitioners and other similarly interested people meet in order to communicate, share experiences and knowledge, and to “play” in an erotic atmosphere. BDSM parties show similarities to ones in the dark culture, being based on a more or less strictly enforced dress code; often clothing made of latex, leather or vinyl/PVC, lycra and so on, emphasising the body’s shape and the primary and secondary sexual characteristic. The requirement for such dress codes differ. While some events have none, others have a policy in order to create a more coherent atmosphere and to prevent outsiders from taking part.

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Posted by: Sarah Dixon | Posted on: July 21, 2021 | Posted in: MAMA

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